Systems should be Boring.
On Purpose.

deploy failed • rollback initiated • incident bridge open • who has access • check the runbook • which runbook • page the on-call • they're on PTO • escalate to platform • platform is underwater • we did this last month • nobody documented it • the fix is a restart • why does restarting fix it • don't touch that service • only Jake knows • Jake left • check Confluence • Confluence is wrong • deploy failed • customer escalation • all hands on deck • war room • same error different day • works on my machine • check the logs • which logs • logging is broken • we'll fix it next sprint • added to backlog • backlog is 400 items • priority 1 • everything is priority 1 • AWS is down • it's not DNS • it was DNS • cert expired • who renewed the cert • memory leak • disk full • connection pool exhausted • timeout • retry storm • cascading failure • single point of failure • no rollback plan • deploy failed • rollback initiated • incident bridge open • who has access • check the runbook • which runbook • page the on-call • they're on PTO • escalate to platform • platform is underwater • we did this last month • nobody documented it • the fix is a restart • why does restarting fix it • redis is full • kafka lag • OOM killed • zombie process • SSL handshake failed • rate limited • quota exceeded • permissions denied • token expired • secret rotated • config drift • missing env var • wrong branch • merge conflict • deploy failed • rollback initiated • incident bridge open • who has access • check the runbook • which runbook • page the on-call • they're on PTO • escalate to platform • platform is underwater • we did this last month • nobody documented it • the fix is a restart • why does restarting fix it • don't touch that service • only Jake knows • Jake left • check Confluence • Confluence is wrong • deploy failed • customer escalation • all hands on deck • war room • same error different day • works on my machine • check the logs • which logs • logging is broken • we'll fix it next sprint • added to backlog • backlog is 400 items • priority 1 • everything is priority 1 • AWS is down • it's not DNS • it was DNS • cert expired • who renewed the cert • memory leak • disk full • connection pool exhausted • timeout • retry storm • cascading failure • single point of failure • no rollback plan